The Chubby Girl Inside

Ok. So I have never been seriously over weight but I have been chubby, chunky, what have you. In high school I was chubby. Then I dropped an insane amount of weight and was too thin and on the road to anorexia. Then I began working out and gained muscle. I was at the weight I was in high school but it settled in the form of muscles. Then I got complacent and didn't really notice the small belly I was sporting until my husband pointed it out (which was NOT mean on his part. I have told him numerous times to tell me when I am getting chubby). I was glad that he said something because I chalked up the tightness in some clothes to muscle gain. The number on the scale I was resigned to but I knew I didn't have to be. The inner chubby girl whispered "You're fat! Look at you! You're a cow!" and on vacation this past year for the first time I was self conscious. I was sucking in my gut and I was disgusted with myself.

I have never really eaten bad. I know that to lose weight it's (fairly) simple: Eat less move more but calorie-wise I am sure I was eating way more than I should have been. In December I decided to start logging my calories but it was difficult because my husband was not on the same journey as me and it was so easy to say "Screw it!" and have that handful of M&M's or another piece of pizza. Not only that but our workouts were lacking. It was far easier to roll over and hit the snooze button, promise to go in later that day knowing that it would never happen. In February my husband joined my journey. I set him up on My Fitness Pal and I count both our calories. We upped our workouts -- after being adopted by a dog we now add two more cardio sessions and on the weekends we walk him three times -- and go to the gym every day. Even when we don't get up early enough we are better at making it in the afternoon. My husband has dropped about 15 pounds and I have dropped 5. I'm strong. I'm lean. I have had at least 4 Non Scale Victories -- three skirts that were tight aren't; I went up a notch on my belt and a pair of skinny pants are loose in the waist.

So why, when I look in the mirror or when I look down at myself does the Chubby Girl inside whisper in my ear "You're fat! You're disgusting! Look at you! PIG!" Why, when I look in one mirror can I say "Damn you look GOOD!" and then go to another mirror and want to cover myself up becauses I'm disgusted in how I look? Why, after exercising hard and eating right are the last 7 pounds not coming off?

I am getting my abs back. My clothes are fitting better. I have lost an inch in my waist. I am leaning out and becoming strong and sexy and yet the inner Chubby Girl just won't go away.

I often wonder if I have a little bit of body dismorphia who is coming out in the Chubby Girl voice. She discourages me, especially when I step on the scale and it hasn't moved or I have a bad eating day. She sits on my shoulder with a smug look on her face and says "See?" with a laugh and a nod of her head. She makes me unhappy at times. She makes me wonder what the point is and makes me want to grab that piece of cake and stuff my face but I don't. And every little thing that I don't do is a small victory. Every bit of muscle I gain, every little bit definition in my stomach that I see is a slap in the Chubby Girls face.

Until I step on the scale again.

Until I look in the mirror.

Until she whispers those damn words in my ear "You're fat!"

And then I realize that it doesn't matter how thin I am. How lean I am. How many inches I have lost or how many Non Scale Victories I have it will never be enough for the Inner Chubby Girl. She will always be sitting on my shoulder shaking her head and looking smugly down at me whispering with a chuckle:

"You're fat!"

Can I Rant for Just Minute?

Now I'm really not much of a ranter. Things don't usually bother me. I'm kind of like a duck in that things just roll off my back however this is something that really, really irks me and gets my panties in a bunch (when I wear them that is).

I would like to know on what planet is it ok to just take your garbage and dump it in the woods or drop your junk off at the end of a road. MY ROAD to be specific.  The Husband and I noticed yesterday that the amount of beer cans and pure rubbish that has accumulated at the end of our street has grown. This morning on our walk we noticed that someone had decided to toss bags of trash in the woods to compliment the torn up sofa and busted up crappy particle board dresser that had previously been dumped down there. Kids party at the cemetery and they will bring things like oh, old used mattresses or tires or furniture to burn. The greatest thing that we saw at the end of our road was a busted up toilet!  I mean honestly what is someone thinking when they load up their truck with all their trash and garbage and decide to take a drive down a dead end dirt road and think that it's perfectly ok and hell normal to unload this crap in the woods and destroy the beauty of nature?

Never mind the fact that a pass for the transfer station is a whopping $60 for the year and dumping your crap would probably cost you an extra whopping $5-$10.

It really irks me when people do this. Just the other day we were driving down a street and there sitting on the side of the road part way in the woods was a torn up sofa. Now I don't know if the tree cutters pulled it out of the woods and placed it there to be picked up later but really? I mean honestly people what the hell are you thinking?  And since we don't get cars driving down the road very often anyone that drives down the road is cause for suspicion and sometimes cause for the Husband to march his butt down to where your truck is all nicely backed up to the woods and confront you when he sees you tossing your garbage off the back.  He actually did this once. He tore the guy a new one and had him shaking in his shoes (literally) and when asked what was going through his mind when he decided to do this the guy, not surprisingly, had no answer.

Never once in the years that I have been alive have I thought to do something as despicable as what these dirt bags do and I can only imagine what they're teaching their kids:

Father:  Hey Junior, wanna go for a ride?
Junior: Sure pop! Where are we going?
Father: See all this garbage that I've got in the back of the truck? Well we're going to go find a nice spot in the woods to dump it.
Junior: But isn't that littering?
Father: No. Dropping a wrapper on the ground is littering. This is just getting rid of some old garbage that we have. It costs money to bring this stuff to the dump. Tossing it in the woods is free!
Junior: Awesome! You're so wise pop!

I mean really people. I wish people wouldn't be such dirt bags and think before they decide to do something like that. It's an eye sore, it's horrible, and it destroys nature.

That is Just-Jennies .02 on this matter.

My rant is over and you may now go back to your regularly scheduled programs.

An Update on the Pepper Saga

Oh my! It's been three weeks since we acquired our little visitor and I feel embarrassed that I have not updated everyone on what has been going on!

Well, if you all haven't guessed already Pepper is ours. The vet called us and said that they had a very sketchy conversation with whoever the owner was. Basically she said that she gave the dog away a long time ago to some guy in the country and that she'll "see if she can find his information". She called back about three days later and said he didn't want the dog back. We suspect that this person is the one who dropped the dog off at the end of our road and as I said to Husband, she was right. She did give him to some guy in the country. So because of that he ended up being ours. The bonus of it all? It turns out our little boy is an AKC certified pure bred German Shepherd with papers to prove it!

Score one for us!

Now he is a good boy, except for the fact that he doesn't like other dogs and lately he himself has been in the "dog house" so to speak. He was very good at staying on the front porch or in the yard all day long. Until recently when he decided to wander off one morning and go after one of our neighbors dogs as he was walking it (way to get people to like us Pepper!). And then that same day we were heading to the gym and he refused to come into the house and we spent almost 30 minutes chasing him around trying to get his butt inside. And last night. . . . well we're in the hot tub and we let him out to do his "doggie stuff" as I call it and he wandered around the neighborhood, didn't come back when called and refused to come inside (I finally got him in the house after about 10 minutes).  I'm at least hoping that when we send him off to get trained and he receives his "Doctorate in Behavioral Science" that he will be a bit more behaved. Unfortunately Husband thinks other wise but based on the fact that he is a very smart boy I am hopeful that he'll be more behaved after wards.

So that's it. We are officially fur parents at a time when we had no intention of becoming one. Isn't that how it always seems to happen though? He is a sweet boy and he's very happy where he lives now. I mean how could he NOT be? He gets to go on long walks every day -- sometimes TWICE a day depending on whether or not the Husband and I make it to the gym. He goes for rides in the car, I bought him a big box of giant pig ears . . . seriously. This dog is living large at our house.

I just hope that he can be "rebooted" in two months so that he behaves a little better.

The Pepper Saga

Love comes in many different forms: There's the love that a parent has for a child and vice versa. There's the love between a man and a woman (man and a man, woman and a woman it really doesn't matter). There's the love of a favorite toy, a favorite pair of shoes or whatever material object holds your desire.

And then there is the unconditional love of an animal and the love that you bestow on him or her. As I said before it has been a very long time since the Husband and I were blessed with the patter of little paws in the house but ever since Pepper adopted us I have fallen head over heels in love with the furry (BIG) fella and I will say that he seems to have fallen in love with us as well.

And yes, I will admit that right now I feel like one of those annoying parents who pulls out roll after roll after roll of pictures of their wonderful child and just keeps gushing about how wonderful, talented, awesome and beautiful their child is but I really can't help it. Pepper is our new addition and I can't help but be the proud Fur Mommy of our new little boy.

He seems to have acclimated very well to our house and us. He's determined that sleeping in will not happen on his watch and will jump on the bed in the morning to let us know that sleeping is done and it's time for fun stuff. Which fun stuff lasts all. Day. Long. We thought that he might be a little over a year but now we're not sure however when we take him to the vet next week we will find out but we think he's still a puppy because of the energy he has. We take him for long walks -- which he walks twice as far as us -- and he's still jumping around and wanting to play outside five minutes after we get back. Last night I spent quite a few hours playing fetch. Which really was me sitting in the chair and throwing the ball and Pepper getting it and dropping it on the foot rest, waiting patiently for me to throw it again. Today we spent quite some time outside tossing around this tennis ball that squeaks and then even more time wrestling on the floor and he is STILL a bundle of energy and based on our old dog who had a little bit of shepherd in her I'm guessing he will be a bundle of energy until he's at least six.

But that's ok. I love him and by the way the Husband is acting he's as taken with him as I am and I can see how much he missed having a dog.

So the next thing we need to do with him is get him some training because right now the only thing he (kind of) knows is "sit" "paw" and "stay" and based on the size of his snout and paws he's gonna be a big boy and he will most definitely need discipline!

Because, well, Pepper is here to stay. The pathetic mound that was his "home" last week isn't even in his little mind any more and even though I have years of giant fur ball dust bunnies, vet bills, a slight cramp on our style and Lord only knows what else ahead of me I'm ok with it because I've done it before and right now I can't imagine the house without him.

People Suck. . . . And Then There's Us.

Take a look at that picture. Aside from the glowing Demon eyes, isn't he the sweetest looking thing you've ever seen? Yeah. I thought so.

So "Riddle Me This, Batman": How could someone leave such a sweet looking pup at the end of a road? So we're not 100% sure this is what happened but here's the facts and I'll let you, my Dearest Readers, be the judge:

Husband and I are coming home from the gym on Tuesday. We're behind this truck who we follow all the way home. Literally. We take a right onto our road, he does too. Now we're both thinking "Who the hell is this?" I'm thinking it's a neighbor but I wasn't sure. Well I was wrong because we continue on down to our house, he continues past to the end of the road (which, mind you, there is NOTHING there). So Husband opens his window and listens to see if he hears a door slam because surprise surprise people like to dump garbage at the end of our road because where else are you going to toss trash? Not at the Transfer Station! No no no! that costs a whopping $60 PER YEAR! Why pay that when you can dump your trash at the end of a beautiful road?

Anywho I digress in an angry manner.

So Husband did not hear any door open or close so we go on our merry way up the driveway into our house. Fast forward an hour or so later. We're down in the office and I hear a dog barking. I run upstairs to see what the heck it is. It's a German Shepard doggie barking on our porch. Bruce comes up, opens the door and starts talking to the dog who barked and wagged his tail. We shut the door, end of story. Until later on that night when we hear "Bark bark bark bark bark!" Which we did nothing about. Yesterday, as anyone who lives around here knows, it stormed. Husband and I had errands to run pre-storm. I'm coming home and I see Husband at the end of the driveway picking something up off the ground. He tells me he drove down the road, mostly to make sure that the dog wasn't being like Lassie and his Master was bleeding to death somewhere, and found the doggie. His "home" was a mound of dirt at the end of the road. No collar, although you can see he had worn one, and skittish as all hell. So we go down there bearing gifts of dog treats hoping to coax him home. He didn't really like Husband but came right to me but was still way skittish. So we eft him food and went back home where we find some left over pork, toss it in a bowl and I take the Jeep down the road in the hopes of coaxing him in. Now it's snowing pretty darn hard out. It's cold and it's going to be a really really crappy night out.

I'm patient. I open the back door and try to get him in but I'm unsuccessful so after a ton of tries I decide to just sit in the car and let HIM come to ME. Eventually -- after more treats -- he jumped into the back, I shut the door and drove him home. As soon as he followed me up to the door, he was barking, jumping and crying to get in. As soon as he was in the house it was all over. It took a while for him be comfortable but he was soon happy. We took him for a ride to get some food, treats and toys and he was pretty happy last night. I couldn't sleep so I went to the spare room where he hopped up on the bed and slept with me all night long. Now I know we're going to have to see whether or not he belongs to any one (I checked for chips and didn't feel anything) but I am hoping he doesn't. If you don't know this we used to have a dog who was the much smaller version of this guy (this guy has paws that are HUGE!) and we had to put her down many years ago. I'll admit that things have been great without the responsibility of a dog: We can come and go as we please, leave at a moments notice . . all the things non-animal owners do. However . . . as soon as I heard the patter of his feet I realized just how much I missed it. And Husband? Well he is using his famous Muppet Voice on him and he spent a good amount of time playing outside with him. IN THE SNOW (which he loves).

So it appears that we are resigned to the fact that WE were adopted by this very sweet and very grateful dog (Husband said he thinks he thanked him today.Doggie put his paw on his arm and licked his hand). He is very comfortable here and I am hopeful that he puts on some pounds -- you can see his ribs and it is painful to look at. He's eaten a lot today! And I'm equally hopeful that he stays. A friend said that "animals choose their owners" "and while I realize we are the closest house to the end of the road I believe we were the only house he went to and he was very fortunate that Husband went to make sure there wasn't an accident and there wasn't someone who needed medical help that this pup was trying to get.

While I really don't want to say it I hope he's an abandoned pup because the person who did this to him doesn't deserve him. He's a sweet boy and I'm head over heels in love with him. Karma is a bitch and I hope that whoever left him feels it's hard bite right in the ass.

Seriously. Does this look like a dog who wishes he was out in the cold? I didn't think so!



Oh, and his name is Pepper. Because he looks like pepper after it's been shaken from the container.

TGIF With a Fist Pump and a BOOHYAH!

What a week it has been! Now ever since i started my own businesses I can honestly say that Fridays have no meaning to me. I lose track of days and since Saturday and Sunday are just another day -- meaning that if I have to work, well then I'll work -- I'm no longer "working for the weekend".

Except for this week.

It's been a spectacularly busy week for myself as well and for Husband. A spectacularly busy and LONG week and today I am undeniably exhausted (like I could totally lay down right now and take a big old cat nap) but I'm not complaining because it's been nothing but good. We hit the gym almost every day this week (Wednesday was a rest day but it was kind of needed since we were both sore and tired). The "no booze during the week" went fairly well however yesterday we did crack a bottle open mainly because the week had been so good that a small celebration was warranted. Food-wise I did awesome so I'm really looking forward to kicking back tonight at Happy Hour and having some drinks, getting more business done and just chillaxing. I'm also looking forward to sleeping in a bit tomorrow morning as well.

That's not to say that this isn't going to be a busy and productive weekend because it most definitely will be! I have some cleaning to do (and a workout. I plan on doing a run and my crazy walking lunges and squats on the treadmill) and Sunday we have a business meeting/brain storming session with a friend and business partner of ours which should take the majority of the day. I'm also sure that tomorrow I'll be in the office working at least for a few hours. But it's good! I am the crank turner and if I don't turn it then nothing happens.

Can I just say that I love being my own boss, that there is nothing better or more rewarding then knowing that I call the shots and that every ounce of effort that I put into the business is my own and that I reap the benefits of that work? Can I also say that I love the fact that my commute is just a walk down to the basement and the only traffic I might encounter is Husband blocking my path to the morning coffee? I'm pretty happy to say that I am unemployable. After working for a great company for thirteen years -- and it really is a good company other wise I would never have lasted there that long -- it's kind of nice to call the shots for once.

But I digress Dear Readers. A big old sparkly caught my eye and I had to go chase after it because Just-Jennie loooooves things that shine and sparkle. And my thought train went where??? Oh right! Friday!!

TGIF Bitches! I hope you all have an awesome weekend!

Love you all bunches!! xoxoxo *MUWAH*

Oh Utah! You Know Me So Well!!

Recently Husband and I took a business trip to Utah. I have never been there before and I must say that it is an absolutely gorgeous state. The views of the snow-capped mountains were absolutely spectacular to say the least. We had one free day to take in some of the sites and since we didn't have a car we decided to do some of the things that were within walking distance. We walked by the Mormon Temple which was a phenomenal structure.



I took a picture of it at night (unfortunately that picture is still on the phone but trust me, it was spectacular)! This we could not tour because 1) You have to be Mormon and 2) If you're Mormon you need a sponsor in order to be able to get in. Based on what it looks like from the outside I'm fairly certain it was just as spectacular on the inside. We also saw the pipe organ of Temple Square and that was a site to behold indeed!



I will admit that I was a tad bit concerned that we would not be able to secure libations due to the high Mormon population -- which I learned so much about! It was very interesting -- however we did find some great places to eat and a pretty nice bar called Squatters which made and sold their own beer. I am not a beer drinker so I will have to take Husbands word for it that it was good.

Utah is a very beautiful state. As I said the views of the mountains were spectacular and I can only imagine what it looks like in the spring and summer. Unfortunately we did not get to do any skiing but I suppose that this just means we will have to return at a later date.